As you may or may not know, I take Excedrin every single day. Sometimes twice a day.

When I was 10, I passed out and/or had a heat stroke. No one knows exactly. All I know is that I was tying my shoes, and then woke up across the room, face down, with my chin busted wide open. I had a bunch of tests done then, and they said everything looked normal. When I started getting headaches and migraines, the doctors told me that as soon as I felt a headache coming on, to take some kind of aspirin/Tylenol/etc. After a while, I realized that Excedrin worked the best. What I didn’t realize, was that Excedrin is addicting and after you take so much of it, you have to keep taking it, or you will get headaches from NOT taking it.

Yes, it’s truly as lovely as you imagine. Even lovelier, probably. 

So, I’m at the point now where I have multiple bottles of Excedrin all over the house. It’s in my car. I throw a handful in my pocket whenever I leave the house. I keep Tylenol, aspirin and caffeine pills in the house, just incase I run out of Excedrin, I can still take all of it’s ingredients at one time. That never works, but I still try, anyway, because migraines suck dick.

Anyway, I’ve decided that after years of taking it, I am going to try to stop. It would really be unfortunate if I were to die from getting a hole in my stomach and/or liver failure, as I am quite the spectacular human being. I will, without a doubt, be getting a migraine. It will probably last several days. In fact, I can already feel it coming on now. I haven’t taken any today, and since I feel it coming, this would normally be the time that I would take some, and then be up all night feeling marvelous. Instead, I will be laying here in agony, cursing the Gods.

Wish me luck.